How do you tell someone that after years of therapy and medication that you still sometimes think about suicide. That sometimes I fall down and it hurts to get back up. That I feel like Sisyphus endlessly pushing a bolder up a hill only to see it fall back down. I suppose that’s what hurts more, not that i was thinking about suicide, such thoughts pass, but that my progress falls backwards.
Such bad days are rare, but they hurt like hell. They are a harsh reminder of who I am, and what may never really leave me. A low burning fire exists in my soul and days like this throw fresh fuel onto the flame. Just to remind me that am slowly burning alive. I suppose we all have that fire burning inside us, it’s just so very painful to look at.