I am afraid of people

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My life was controlled by Social anxiety. I spent my youth trying to destroy any presence I had. I hoped no one would notice me and I go out of my way to avoid them. I sink my head down for fear of being seen and my eyes where always on the ground to avoid eye contact. If I lost something, I didn’t tell anyone, if I needed something I kept it to myself.

Everyone was talking about me, everyone was looking at me, and I could tell they were making fun of me. This paranoia was only made worse by the fact that they often did. I cried myself to sleep like a nightly ritual. Unsure of what my emotions where, or how to control them I drowned in them. I just wanted to be loved.

This anxiety was the center of my life. To this day I never fell in love. I have trouble making friends. I don’t often leave my house unless it’s to go to work. I control my symptoms one day at a time. Being able to keep a steady job for the past six years has been an achievement for the boy who had panic attacks in the High School parking lot, no longer able to attend. I hope to find love, and people who like me in my future. I can’t be cured, but I can control my symptoms.

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3 thoughts on “I am afraid of people

  1. I’m sorry to hear of your struggle with anxiety 😦 I use to struggle with MDD, GAD & SI on a daily basis, thankfully I’m on the other side of it! There is hope & healing! Stay strong!
    I’ve started a blog & a Facebook page to help inspire those who struggle with mental health issues & SI, as well as bring awareness to those topics. Check it out if you like, would love to help bring encouragement to you!
    https://www.facebook.com/hopeinhealingwordpressblog
    http://hopeinhealingblog.wordpress.com/

  2. Completely agree. Felt this way, mostly when I was younger. Have gotten better over the past few years but it is still something I have to struggle with. It’s nice to hear someone else’s story with this.

    God Bless. 🙂

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