I have cried an uncountable amount of tears in my short life. I still remember the nights alone, crying myself to sleep, almost like a nightly lullaby. My thoughts where overloaded with emotion, rational thought was gone. Tossing and turning in pain crying out at my insufferable loneliness. I cut my arms as if i was trying to free the bottled up emotion inside me. I wanted someone to come save me, but did not want anyone to know.
Perhaps this was one of the few times i could feel emotion in such days, and it hurt. The pain made suicide seem reasonable, and i felt out of control to stop it. Breathing became hard, and panic sets in, unable to move i collapse to the floor. Unable to get off the ground i soak the floor in my tears. My emotional outcry is now a panic attack, and i truly feel like am going to die, part of me thinks that’s for the best.
How did i overcome such things? I truly wish the answer was simple, i be able to help people with such a simple answer. I took my medicine, i talked about what i felt, i wrote it down. I slowly became used to such practices as controlling the thoughts i dwell on. Over time such attacks became less and less, once everyday, once a week, once a month. Such attacks might never leave me completely, but they show there faces much less anymore. I am thankful for that. The memory’s of it all seem to be something i just have to live with, i just wish i could help others with there pain.