One of the worst feelings i felt while in my worst depression was a kind of loneliness, the best way i can put it was a call for help that nobody would answer. I remember thinking “Help me, somebody.” It was painful, i felt alone, i was afraid to truly call for help but i wanted it.
I was ashamed of myself, the help i wanted to call out for would only show this shameful self to others. This is another one of Depressions famous hypocrisy, i truly wanted someone to come and save me, and at the same time i couldn’t call for help. I built invisible walls that trapped me in my own room, to my own shell. So i spent my nights crying to myself, unable to even imagine i could do anything else.
How do you break the invisible walls that hold your mind in a prison? I wish there was something simple to say, but in truth many of them walls are still around me. However, ive opened a number of them, ive made progress. Sometimes you have to leave your trap, cry someplace new. Some walls you adapt too, others you find ways around, you just need to remember they are there, wright them down if you have too. The words “Help me” it brings me to tears thinking of all the times people have them unanswered and i feel deeply for them.