I spent a large amount of my life starring at walls and ceilings. Its moments like this where am lost inside my head. I leave the real world for the one inside my head. I’ve done this allot in my life, sometimes the thoughts are positive, sometimes negative. In the past, am afraid it was a lot more negative.
There were days i get lost in my head thinking about how my funeral would turn out. Although morbid and depression it showed a powerful amount of imagination. I would have entire conversations with myself, and still do. My fantasy’s where an escape, but they also beat me down. I was always my own worst bully.
At the worse, reality no longer seemed real. I felt myself sitting there crying and it all felt like a dream. I go for a walk and nothing seemed real, i walk till reality came back to me. This felt good, it feels good. The cold snowy days where the best. I had to change my thinking, i had to not let this bully get to me. I had to let the negative pass and not dwell on it.