“I want to die” Simple words with great meaning, they get in your head like a virus and keep repeating themselves till you lose your sanity. Its hard to say any one person truly wants to die, but the very nature of depression is filled with hypocrisy, conflicting thoughts and feelings.
The pain of it all takes away everything, the world through your eyes is only filled with negativity, you cant sleep, you try and drown it all out but like a drug you always hit a low at some point. You feel there is no escape, that there is something wrong with you. All the anxiety becomes hate. Hate for the world and yourself. So you say it over and over again, a lie, the more you say it the more it becomes true “I want to die.”
No human wants to accept there shortcomings, but that becomes all we see. Depression is a cycle, your depressed because your lonely, you lonely because your depressed. You want to die because your depressed, your depressed because you want to die. There is only so much a mind can take of this.
There is no easy way out of it. Sometimes the cycle can be broken by somethings as simple as the desire to eat, if you need food you need money, if you need money you need a job. What needs to be understood is there nothing wrong with how you feel, you don’t need to die. Little by little you can ignore that little voice that says “I want to die” till you don’t even notice it anymore, the trick is to learn not to dwell on such thoughts. You will always think things that make you feel ashamed, there is no stopping that, but if you can just learn to think them and move to the next thought.