Change

We all fear change in one way or another, some may not even notice it. We find comfort in the things we know, even if the things we know are not very comfortable. When things change, we feel a loss of control, it makes us uneasy, paranoid, anxious.

While i was in my worse days, there was something that i was afraid of. I feared that getting better would change who i was, what makes me, me. Despite how unhappy i was, i was still afraid i wouldn’t like how i be if i was changed. Perhaps part of it stems form a kind of selfishness, or small world view, that my sadness made me different, that i saw something others did not.

Now that am older, i know how utterly untrue my past thoughts are. Who i was did not change, it grow, evolved, or matured. I still fear change all the time, am afraid of working a different work schedule then the one i have now, am afraid of meeting new people, am afraid of moving, am afraid of doing new things. Am not afraid of changing however, i know i cant truly change, i cant become a new person, i cant think diffrent thoughts, but i can grow who i am, be wiser, smarter.

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