Something ive never be too proud of, i used to cut myself. I take a model knife and take my pain out on my arm. I think this is something hard for people to understand, who someone can get addicted to this.The pain, the chemical reactions the body creates…it all felt good. So, when i was at my worst, when i could feel my body ache for it, id write on my arms with a knife. To be honest, ive even experimented with other things, hitting walls till my knuckles couldn’t take anymore. I even tried choking myself…i forgot i did that till just now.
Its been years since i last hurt myself in such a way. The scars don’t go away so easily, am not sure i want them to go away. The urges have never gone away as well, i still feel like i need to cut myself often. My skin almost aches for it at times. Everyday i just have to be stronger then that.