To be honest, ive been avoiding writing this. I recently had to put my dog down. I loved that dog, and i miss him badly. We spent 16 long years together and through most of it i considered him my only friend. But he got old, and old things die.

Something i rarely tell people is if he died 5 years ago i would not have hesitated to take my life. He was my center, he was my happy place to keep in my mind while i was having a panic attack. I told myself if he was going to die, i was going to go with him. Because he lived so did I. This is where my religious friends would tell me god sent him, or it was fate. I cant say for sure.

At this moment, at this time, i feel the last bits of my youth slip away from me, they feel so wasted. I spent them so alone. Like missing my High School graduation i feel like i lost my chance at closer. Its days like this that my memory’s of being lost or alone come back to me.