Looking Back

I sit here writing, not sure what to do with myself. I dislike my Birthday. It is the day i look back, and fear for my future.Every year its the same thing, it hurts, i feel alone. Memorys come back to me. My childhood, school, the late nights crying. The pain of wanting to die. I no longer want to die, but how much have i lived? The fear of living can even haunt me.

In Highschool i felt like everyone was talking about me behind my back. My paranoid mind would fill in the blanks with there mocking voices. They scared me, all of them. Lunch was the worst, when i was forced to sit there alone. Id beg that no one would notice me, but my mind told me always told me they where there. I can still feel that way at times, however am smart enough now to let just thoughts go away. not dwell on them.

Sometimes you just need to let it all out, and not dwell on it. Feel sad if you have too, feel lonely scared and alone, then get back to your life.

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