Insomnia is a gross feeder.

I’ve always been a night owl. Not because of going out late, or playing video games, or watching TV, but because i could never sleep. Every time i put my head down and close my eyes my mind starts to race, thoughts running a mile. There was not much i could do to stop them. There was a time where such thoughts be hurtful, self demeaning. My mind would tell me how worthless i was, how alone i was, how i should not be alive. Its hardly a wonder i have had low self esteem in the past. The greatest trick i learned to over come such thought was to let them pass. Do not dwell on your thoughts, if a thought comes to you your worthless, don’t think about it anymore then that and move onto your next thought. I wish i could show people this trick, but its a learned trait. It takes much trial and error, and many nights of crying yourself to sleep.

Even if i did fall asleep, rest was hard to come by. The dreams came, the powerful dreams. Id dream of things ive wasted, of things ive lost.The worst dreams where of things i did not have but wanted so much that waking up became painful. Nowadays I often   Lucid Dream am not sure how i came to do this, but i rarely have a dream that i don’t know is a dream anymore. Perhaps its better this way.

“Insomnia is a gross feeder. It will nourish itself on any kind of thinking, including thinking about not thinking.”
-Clifton Fadiman

One thought on “Insomnia is a gross feeder.

  1. I too am in the recovery process with an almost 10 year battle with depression. It had consumed my entire life. At first sleep was my one escape from everything but my sickness morphed into my one safe retreat and I would have nightmares every night, it got to the point where I would dread sleeping. I still have them, some make sense and others dont. Ive had hardly any success in getting rid of them.

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